Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young

EP11: Humor That Works for Creating Intimacy

“As an engineer, I saw emotions as data which is the wrong thing to say when someone is crying,” jokes Drew Tarvin, CEO of Humor That Works, author of “The Skill of Humor Playbook” and master of puns. Initially better with computers than people, Drew learned to be funny–and more emotionally intelligent–by studying improv. Now, he introduces the practice of humor into such major–and seemingly serious–workplaces such as NASA and the FBI. He discusses the benefits of humor in the workplace to boost morale, engagement and problem-solving. On a personal level, it has social as well as health benefits and builds traits like resiliency. More people would engage in humor at work if they thought their bosses would approve. 
 
Humor is a skill that can be learned, and there is more than one way to be funny. Drew walks us through several humor archetypes, including the Entertainer, Skeptic and Enthusiast– sometimes you’re all at once. He shares his own experiences with having relied on comedy to defuse workplace tension and bring up elephants in the room. 
 
In terms of intimacy, humor reveals to others your humanity and vulnerability, that you’re a person first and an employee second, and it invites reciprocity. Join Drew and Jim on today’s episode of Expansive Intimacy and stay for the knock-knock jokes. 
Quotes:
“[Improv] was my initial foray into emotional intelligence. It was less because I thought it would make me a good person and more that it would get made me a good improviser.” (6:12-6:21 | Drew)
“Humor happens to be really effective in terms of communicating an idea, because once people are laughing, they're listening.” (11:44-11:49 | Drew) 
“Humor is a skill, which means that it can be learned. And so if it's a skill that can be learned, then the question isn't, are you funny? The question is, what kind of funny are you?” (12:42-12:52 | Drew) 
“A colleague and I were starting to butt heads and my manager walked in…He just wanted to give us a little bit of perspective. And the humor provided a pattern interrupt.” (29:40-30:15 | Drew)
“The humor that we use in the workplace doesn't have to be your audition to get on Saturday Night Live…The bar is so low..you're trying…to create that level of connection.” (35:47-36:17 | Drew) 
Show Links
 
Connect with Drew Tarvin:
Website: https://www.humorthatworks.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drewtarvin/
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music:  Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music:  Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP10: Understanding Power Exchange in Relationships with Ken Hamilton

“I can see all the harm that I did by leaning into my power without acknowledging it,” says Ken Hamilton, who joins the Expansive Intimacy podcast to discuss his own journey through intimacy. It includes abolishing what he calls the “middle aged white man” belief that he is the center of everything, while at the same time acknowledging the way he affects people around him. He compares the differences between intimacy with a larger community versus a partner and the way each differs from and influences the other. 
 
Ken’s primary relationship with his partner Jolie has taught him much about how to communicate, to feel safe showing up as his authentic self, and about the “pursue and withdraw” power move at play in many relationships. Additionally, Ken practices polyamory, and he explains what he has learned from having multiple romantic partners and how he plans to navigate such a dynamic in the future. Having a plan about the day-to-day operations of any group dynamic is ultimately more effective than waiting for a crisis to arise. 
 
Regarding the gender dynamics in society, he shares his belief that men are secretly terrified of the power they have been handed. He speaks about power versus love and how–and if–they can co-exist. 
 
Quotes:
“If you can point me at a relationship that doesn't have a power imbalance. I'd love to see it.” (4:08-4:14 | Ken)
“The more open I am about the power that I think is in the room… the less harm I do.” (9:07-9:24 | Ken)
“If I'm going to be in a relationship with her, I have to have conversations. It's not optional. It's not even an ultimatum or a demand. It's just what it is to be in the relationship. These are table stakes. Much like, if you're going to go swimming, you're going to get wet. It's the nature of the series.” (16:29-16:55 | Ken)
“Intimacy isn't for agreement. It’s for sharing.” (21:18-21:20 | Ken) 
“She has demonstrated radical acceptance of parts of me that I loathe barely look at myself…I have yet to meet anyone else that I'm willing to do that with, partially for their benefit, as well as mine.” (31:05-31:38 | Ken)
“However it happened, the world is currently set up with men in the majority of the positions of power…It's terrifying, which doesn’t lend itself to love or intimacy, but to defense and aggression. And here we have a world filled with male designs and aggression.” (38:01-38:48 | Ken)
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
Connect with Ken Hamilton:
Podcast: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/jkNEhFv4MAb
 
Connect with Jim Young: 
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach 
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media 
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds 
Please don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP09: The Effects of Power & Jealousy with Dr. Joli Hamilton

Jealousy is just like all other emotions. It has something to tell us. (6:30-6:34 | Joli Hamilton)
 
 Get ready for an eye-opening episode as Jim engages in a thought-provoking discussion with Dr. Joli Hamilton, a relationship coach who specializes in guiding couples that color outside the lines. In this episode, they delve deep into the profound impact of power dynamics and jealousy on intimate relationships.
 
Dr. Hamilton challenges conventional beliefs by shedding light on jealousy as a perfectly normal emotion that can emerge as early as six months of age. Instead of avoiding or suppressing jealousy, she encourages us to embrace it as a gateway to self-discovery and understanding within our relationships. Prepare to shift your perspective and unlock the hidden lessons jealousy has to offer.
 
Additionally, the episode explores the intricate dynamics of power within relationships. Joli emphasizes the importance of open communication and understanding, as power dynamics can vary and evolve depending on circumstances. By embracing the complexities of power, couples can navigate their relationships with greater clarity and fulfillment.
 
Whether you're curious about non-monogamy or seeking to strengthen your monogamous partnership, this episode offers a wealth of insights into the fascinating interplay between power and jealousy. Tune in to gain a fresh perspective and unlock the potential for deeper, more fulfilling connections in your own relationships.
 
Quotes
“For me, intimacy is just aliveness, being alive. It's not really separate from breathing or existing as a human.” (3:12-3:23 | Joli Hamilton)
“Compersion is really rooted in wholehearted joy for another person's joy, and who doesn't want more of that?” (5:12-5:20 | Joli Hamilton)
“Jealousy can be spotted in infants as young as six months old. So if you're experiencing jealousy, you may have triggered a pre-verbal experience.” (9:16-9:27 | Joli Hamilton)
“That's how we get into all this trouble is by not talking about power.” (14:47-14:53 | Joli Hamilton)
“About 5% of people practice some form of consensual non-monogamy at any one time, and about 20% have tried it at some point in their life.” (22:28-22:37 | Joli Hamilton)
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Dr. Joli Hamilton:
Website: www.jolihamilton.com
Quiz: www.JoliQuiz.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjoli_hamilton/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drjoli_hamilton?lang=en
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz8_u_0Z6omnIJKqklSNVVw
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joli-hamilton-phd/
Facebook Business: https://www.facebook.com/jolidepthpsych
Neuro Somatic Intelligence Training: https://youtu.be/5FxordMUNiM
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
 
Did you enjoy this episode?
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP08: How Autonomy Wrecks Intimacy with Jim Young

“A lot of what expansive intimacy is about is this reciprocal type of relationship that we build at a really deep level with other people so that our needs and other people's needs get met.”
In this episode, Jim takes a deep dive into the concept SASS, which was first introduced in episode 04 with guest Cait Donovan.
 
Cait described the acronym SASS ("super autonomous self-sufficiency") as a common pathway to burnout. As soon as she mentioned it, Jim realized this was the catalyst of his own burnout story.
 
In this solo episode, Jim breaks down this term, explaining that while all of these words can be positive in nature, when taken too far, they become problematic.
 
The reality is that we don’t want to find ourselves in situations where we are doing too much by ourselves because it will get in the way of us living an abundant life with ourselves and others. We don’t need to be super autonomous. We don’t have to settle for "sufficient" relationships or experiences. And by breaking down each component of SASS, Jim hopes to help others prevent burnout and expand their relationships.
 
So let’s drop the SASS and join the world of expansive intimacy. Tune into the conversation for more!
 
Quotes:
“As a guy who's helping to lead this conversation, that doesn't mean I have intimacy figured out. In fact, I’m far from it. But I continue to learn and I want to sometimes interject my thoughts into episodes.” (02:02-02:14)
“When we do anything to an extreme or excessive degree, supersizing it, we can run into trouble.” (04:49-04:56)
“If we take autonomy to a super degree, we can start to move into isolation. We can be depriving ourselves of resources that can help us greatly in our lives.” (06:55-07:12)
“If we are hyper or super focused on being autonomous and self-sufficient, we lose flexibility.” (11:48-11:59)
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
 

EP07: On Shame, Fear & Rejection with Nico Boesten

“Now that you know what you know, what do you think of me?”
 
 
 
Nico Boesten asked his late father that question in a dream. It's a question that might lay at the center of intimacy itself. His father was an important modeler of vulnerability in Nico’s life and early on he showed Nico how to create a safe space for intimate exchanges.
 
Too many men, Nico and Jim agree “should on themselves,” or act in a way they think they are supposed to show up as men instead of being who they truly are. On the other side of the fear of opening up, and the shame of our darkest secrets, lies relief and lightness.
 
Nico tells a powerful, deeply touching story of Ingrid, his late wife, whom he lost to cancer after 14 years of marriage. The way he chose to cope emotionally with her illness in the months leading up to her death remains one of his few regrets in life. He explains his reasoning and the stunning way his wife responded.
 
Nico insists that intimacy is a choice, and trust, especially as he moves forward in life, is paramount.
 
In addition to his coaching practice, Nico uses music to bring important conversations to life. Referring to it as medicine, he describes its powers to heal both the player and the listener and to draw a connection between people.
 
Quotes:
“We've all got a little boy or a little girl inside of us that's kind of like, ‘Man, this is this is f***ing hard.’” (8:46-8:54 | Jim)
“To bring it to the God perspective, I just believe that we are a part of something a lot bigger…Just relax, you don't have to prove anything.’” (10:19-10:49 | Nico)
“Let me tell you about how I was shitty and how my wife was just rock solid.” (24:55-25:03 | Nico)
“I believe intimacy is a choice, 100%.” (31:39-31:44 | Nico)
“Have that hard conversation. Because after it, you're going to feel so much lightness. Now, okay, it's all on the table. There's nothing to hide.” (37:25-37:40 | Nico)
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Nico Boesten:
Website: http://nicocoaching.com/
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyL0NCBXM2E
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
 

EP06: Intimate Partnering with Kate Mangino, PhD

“Men love talking about falling in love, the birth of their babies, when they’re scared or overwhelmed, or what’s hard in their life, but they’re never given the opportunity to do so.” - Kate Mangino
 
 
 
For her book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, Kate Mangino interviewed scores of men about how to bring more gender equality into their partnerships. One of the biggest takeaways from those experiences was the key role that intimacy plays in bringing partners of different genders together.
 
Kate and Jim explored several other big topics in this week's episode, including:
How “default gender mode”--making assumptions about a person’s characteristics based on their gender--blocks intimacy.
A key difference in how we socialize our children, with young women being encouraged to adopt traditional male traits, while young men are discouraged from embracing traits typically associated with women.
Kate also discusses the need for more platonic friendships between the sexes.
The power of fatherhood to open up access to greater intimacy.
How leaders can create intimate spaces where everyone is encouraged to open up.
Quotes:
“I lean on the idea that intimacy breeds intimacy.” (15:52-15:56 | Kate)
“What can we do as mothers to encourage our kids to be more vulnerable? One thing that came up over and over was encouraging different sex, platonic friendships.” (31:33-31:48 | Kate)
“We need to break out of that gender default. And we need to be more aware and open and think of people as humans and not as men, women or neither man or woman.” (24:23-24:35 | Kate)
“A lot of times we default into…all these little micro roles all the time…I will pause and think, ‘Would I write this email to anyone, regardless of gender identity?’ and I think that helps me see the water a little bit.” (38:42-39:08 | Kate)
 
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Kate Mangino:
Website: www.katemangino.com
Twitter: @ManginoKate
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP05: How Men Actually Cry with Dxtr Spits

“It’s a lot better on the other side.” 
So says Dxtr Spits, a spoken word artist, jack of all trades, and founder of “How Men Cry” as he talks about learning to open up and be more vulnerable.
 
Like Jim, Dxtr was conditioned at a young age by those around him to suppress his sensitive nature. Through writing, performing, and therapy Dxtr continues to reach a more authentic self, and through an ever-deepening meditation and mindfulness practice, shows himself patience and compassion. He talks about learning to embrace long hugs, including with other men, and working through the lingering stigma attached to male intimacy.
 
“Water,” one of the poems that is central to the How Men Cry project's core message, serves as a metaphor for mens’ tendency to let pressure build up until it becomes unbearable, if they are even aware of their pressures at all. For men, unexpressed emotion often presents in self-harm, addiction and suicide. Still when he does cry, it it is often out of regret for the missed opportunities at connection and consolation.
 
Dxtr echoes the essence of expansive intimacy when he notes that it’s important to have different sources of intimacy to rely on, such as friend groups, intimate partners, mentors, and even pets. He also explains the work he does with his mentor, Dr. Nikki Giovanni of Virginia Tech, and what men can learn from the way women handle breakups.
 
Quotes:
“When you take a longer look at yourself sometimes you're not necessarily who you think you are…it was a gradual process of continuously looking inward, turning towards myself more, and actually appreciating these things, thinking this is comforting to me. Then over time, that grew with confidence.” (14:06-14:51 | Dxtr)
“The beneficial part of writing and performing is I think that's one of my greater resiliency factors, for sure. It has definitely helped to have outlets.” (19:52-20:04 | Dxtr)
“We don't even know we're swimming in this ‘I'm fine’ pool. That might be our tears, right?” (32:12-32:19 | Jim)
“You may not see these things until a lot later and the build up to me is worse because you're…suffering in silence all the way up to it.” (34:38-34:54 | Dxtr)
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
Connect with Dxtr Spits:
Dxtr's Personal Website: www.dxtrspits.com
The How Men Cry Website: www.howmencry.com
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
Please don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
 

EP04: The Burnout Curse: Intimacy’s Inverse with Cait Donovan

“Being ostracized is our biggest fear,” says Cait Donovan, keynote speaker and host of Fried! The Burnout podcast.
 
 
 
In this episode, Jim is joined by Cait Donovan, a leading expert on individual and organizational burnout. Cait uses a rich combination of research and deep life experience to explain the myriad sources of stress that contribute to burnout.
 
This “web of causation,” as Cait refers to it, has biological, social, and psychological roots, which can begin in the womb or even further back.
 
According to neuroscience, adverse childhood experiences affect our ability to handle stress. The problem is deeply rooted in a lack of self-worth and linked inextricably to a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation.
 
The American ethos adds a confounding set of causation factors, with our emphasis on individualism and a warped focus on self-made success–a concept that Cait insists is a myth. Jim layers on an exploration of the pressure society puts on men to never make mistakes or ask for help. Together, they discuss the oft-ignored importance of environmental factors on causing or alleviating stress such as the comfortability of one’s chair, office aesthetics and access to natural light.
 
As Cait describes it, those who are most vulnerable to burnout often aren’t self-aware enough to even know how stressed they are. In response to that reality, Cait advises paying attention to what she calls “the anger group,” and describes how resentment journaling can create breakthroughs. She also explains the dark side of oxytocin and how Polish goat cheese led her to a breakdown.
 
Quotes:
“We’re not meant to be connected to 3,000 people at a time. We're just not designed that way…There are only so many people I can let in here before I can't handle it anymore.” (8:41-9:01 | Cait)
“Pay attention to resentment. It will show you where all of your boundaries are being crossed. It will teach you about your other emotions. It is this amazing guidepost that is palpable and obvious.” (38:59-39:12 | Cait)
“When you are constantly scanning your environment for other people's needs…you are essentially abandoning yourself and committing self neglect.” (43:53-44:10 | Cait)
Show Links:
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Cait Donovan:
Website: www.caitdonovan.com
Podcast: www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com
 
Additional resources from Cait:
Adverse Childhood Experience survey: https://www.theannainstitute.org/Finding Your ACE Score.pdf
FRIED podcast episode on the neuroscience of burnout: https://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/shonte-javon-taylor
FRIED podcast episode on male burnout: https://www.friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/post/jim-young-ceo-dad-burnout-emotional-gold-digging-and-why-relationships-matter
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
Please don't forget to share, rate, comment, and/or subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP03: Intimacy Equations with Dan Doty

Our ability to think creatively and collaboratively and productively and stay in flow is directly tied to our sense of safety and our sense of trust and our sense of alignment. And right in the heart of that is intimacy.
- Dan Doty
This week's guest is Dan Doty, men’s work leader and founder of Evryman, a company which teaches emotional vulnerability to men.
 
From an early age growing up in small town North Dakota, Dan lay awake at night taken with major questions about spirituality and existence. By the age of 20, he was working as a wilderness therapy guide, leading trips for young men struggling in life. He recalls one memorable event in particular that shaped the way he saw male intimacy, connection and friendship, and served as the impetus for eventually founding Evryman.
He and Jim discuss the societal expectations placed on men to power through life and suppress emotion under the classic guise of being “tough.” Jim sees the next generation of young men as already showing a vast emotional capacity that it took previous generations of men decades to establish. He and Dan discuss what intimacy and vulnerability look like as they apply to fatherhood, how becoming a dad changes a person and what intimacy with a partner looks like after having kids. 
Jim cites a study from the American Survey Center which finds that since 1990, increasingly fewer men report having six or more close relationships in their lives. He and Dan dispel the myth of the lone wolf, discuss the role that trauma plays in the problem, and the overall importance of friendship. Life is rich, Jim says, when we have a range of relationships in all areas of our lives. 
Quotes:
“To get men to open up, you just need to do it in front of them first…It’s powerful.” (11:37-12:01 | Dan) 
“It's a chronic belief or mindset or way of being, that one's value or manhood or masculinity, is wed to old school ideas of the cowboy shit…and the myth of the lone wolf.” (26:53-27:31 | Dan)
“Vulnerability multiplied by time equals depth of friendship.” (31:55-32:00 | Dan)
“Since we’ve got so many good equations going on, let's try this one out: Trauma, plus the belief that a man doesn’t open his mouth and speak and get vulnerable, equals f****** disaster.” (36:04-36:19 | Dan)
Connect with Dan Doty:
Website: www.dandoty.com
Instagram: @dandoty
Dan's guide on how to make friends: https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/man-2-0-how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult-man
 
Connect with Jim Young: 
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach 
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/eip
The Expansive Intimacy book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/ 
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media 
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds 
 
Please don't forget to rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP 02: Leading With Intimacy with Newton Cheng

“I’m on a mission to shift our culture,” says Newton Cheng, Director of Health and Performance at Google and the first guest on the Expansive Intimacy podcast. Newton’s experience with intimacy began in his late teens when he would observe the friction that arose from each new experience to determine if he was doing what was best for himself. 
In leadership, he finds that vulnerability, which often includes becoming emotional in front of others, has a positive effect on his ability to lead, and even refers to intimacy as a superpower. He and Jim discuss how men and women respond differently to this outpouring of emotions, and what it says about the way men are conditioned by society. They describe the benefits of applying tenets from non-traditional sources, such as marriage counseling and Al-Anon 12-Step Recovery, to the business world. 
In the workplace, Newton explains, vulnerability means being uncomfortable. A major example is being transparent with your superiors when you don’t know what you’re doing. Paradoxically, this often leads to a feeling of confidence and empowerment. Ultimately, taking care of one’s employees, which includes their mental health, ensures they will, in turn, be more beneficial to a company. 
Newton’s own journey to vulnerability includes a bout of professional burnout and a period of mental health leave. During that time, he visited one of his oldest friends, and learned about removing the mask of professional accomplishments and accolades to relate to people around you in a more authentic way. Ultimately, intimacy means clarifying who you truly are, connecting to your deep inner world and inviting others to do the same. 
 
Quotes:
“A question I really like to reflect on is, ‘If I put aside my labels, my accomplishments, my roles that I play in life, who am I and what do I stand for?’ It's an infinitely deep question. And I'm going to wrestle with it for the rest of my life. But it starts to unearth what's in there.” (3:15-3:35 | Newton) 
“One thing that I'm still trying to figure out is, I have this–we'll call it a superpower. It's really a double edged sword, where I can say what seems like hard things on their face, but I'm not feeling my feelings, to use a parlance from the field of conscious leadership. So I disconnect from my feelings. It enables me to put the hard things on the table. But it's not the real experience.” (10:00-10:33 | Newton)
“We can all be leaders because we can all influence someone.” (23:36-23:41 | Newton)
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Connect with Newton Cheng:
 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/newtoncheng/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/newtoncheng/
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