Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young

EP21: The (Birthday) Gifts of Intimacy

“How do our gifts match up with the needs of the world?” On this solo episode of Expansive Intimacy, Jim is celebrating his birthday with gifts – not the kind that you unwrap but the natural abilities, skills, passions that we all possess inside of us, but are not always given the opportunity to fully express or utilize. When we are given that chance, everyone wins. We light up inside while meeting a unique need in the world and creating real change. Jim surmises that organizational leaders, with the impact they have on the world, are in the unique position to foster their employees’ gifts. In so doing, they make work easy and joyful for workers, increase company value (including but not limited to the bottom line), and keep customers coming back. 
 
Company leaders can also offer their employees the gift of intimacy. Jim recalls a story shared by recent guest Liz Solomon about an employee who discovered a newfound and fierce loyalty to her longtime CEO after he opened up a vulnerable part of himself to her during a group exercise. Jim discusses the need for reciprocity in intimacy, as well as the type of physical intimacy that is perfectly appropriate at the workplace. 
 
This episode provides a number of valuable questions which organizational leaders can ask to discover their employees greatest strengths and passions. After all, a company whose workers are performing their best work is a gift to the world. 
Quotes:
“Organizational leadership is one of the fundamental places where the world changes these days…leaders have a huge, I would argue maybe even an outsize role.” (2:58 | Jim)
“Keeping your people happy, healthy, and engaged in their gifts, is the path to bottom line success, as well as lots of other types of success.” (5:17 | Jim) 
“If you're a leader, and you've got a creative person on your team, are you utilizing their gifts? Are they pigeon-holed into the creative things that they're allowed to do?...what about the other ways that that person's gifts could help your organization?” (8:20 | Jim)
“Our gifts are often hiding in plain sight. And when we unlock them with intimacy - with that skeleton key of expansive intimacy, we create possibilities that we didn't know were there.” (13:17 | Jim) 
“Intimacy is not one dimensional. I don't even know how many dimensions there are. And I've been studying it for years.” (13:54 | Jim)
Show Links
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
 

EP20: From Burnout to Fully Charged

“Your body is polite, so it starts with a whisper. Then if you’re not listening, it gets a little louder.” For, Dr. Neha Sangwan, author of “Powered by Me: From Burnout to Fully Charged at Work and Life,” when her body began whispering that it was overloaded with stress, she was encouraged by her colleagues in the medical community to override those signals in order to address the needs of patients. In fact, it was considered a badge of honor. She coped with unhealthy eating habits while that stress led to such severe throat constriction that she was convinced she had cancer. Finally, June 17, 2004–yes, she remembers the date—she experienced an episode of burnout that led her to begin questioning the connection between emotional stress and physical symptoms. Soon, she began treating her patients holistically, helping get to the root of the stress that was manifesting physically. 
 
Our body’s stress signals are as unique to us as our fingerprints. In an increasingly fast-paced world, we, too, are encouraged to ignore those signals as we move from our comfort zone to what Neha calls the learning zone, where we have a chance to figure out what’s setting them off before we move into the panic zone. She walks Jim through an exercise during which he recognizes his body’s reaction to both stressful and soothing thoughts, and where he identifies the deeper fears that underlie that stress. So often we rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms such as turning to unhealthy food or alcohol, temporary fixes which eventually only add to our stress.
 
These strategies do have their place, Neha says and she shares the best way to approach them. She also explains the importance of trust to intimacy, why we should shift from furious to curious mindset, and what a “we” world looks like vs. a “me” world. 
Quotes:
“Vulnerability without trust actually becomes trauma.” (4:54 | Neha)
“A lot of us are more tuned in to what other people need more than we know what we need.” (10:44 | Neha)
“Awareness is the first step because if you're unaware of something, you're going to react rather than respond…Most people focus externally and have no idea what's going on internally…what did I just do?” (16:20 | Neha)
“There are different ways that people override those signals. They've been taught to, because we have a society that's moving at a faster and faster pace every day.” (25:23 | Neha)
“Something really big I want people to know is that your inability to communicate with yourself and each other makes you physically ill.” (42:54 | Neha) 
“How you burn out is as unique to you as each person's fingerprint.” (46:14 | Neha)
Show Links
 
Connect with Neha Sangwan:
Website: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/
Book: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/powered-by-me/
Tour: https://intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/events/
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP19: Power in the Repair

“We can be close without being intimate,” says Elizabeth Solomon, certified emotional intelligence coach, and nowhere is this more evident than in the workplace where colleagues can share physical space for years and not ever know each other. Elizabeth shares a moving story from a team building session she led recently, whereby one woman developed a newfound and fierce loyalty to her CEO of over a decade after he showed vulnerability. She explains how to “set the container” for these types of sessions, and the mathematical equation for intimacy building that she borrows from professor David Bradford, author of the book “Connect.” 
 
Just as important is being mindful of others’ boundaries and to show them grace, which is half of Jim’s formula for intimacy. People come from many different personal and cultural starting points and we must be conscious of that. Equally important is our need for self-awareness–which Elizabeth explains is the basis of emotional intelligence–from how our triggers make us feel physically, to the stories we attach to them versus objective truth. 
 
Elizabeth and Jim discuss how shame colors our interpersonal relationships, interactions and experiences. In addition, Elizabeth explores how we can hold fast to our boundaries while still having empathy for the people who violate them. 
Quotes:
David Bradford, who's at Stanford, wrote a book called ‘Connect.’ And he talks about intimacy building in this rule of 15% where he talks about how we build intimacy with another person, which is one person takes a step that's 15% outside of their comfort zone. Then the next person matches that 15% and takes it 15% further, and that's kind of the premise of relationship building.” (14:50 | Elizabeth) 
“There's this other meta skill that's going on as the facilitator. I think it's a huge skill in terms of how we build intimacy that just came together as you were talking. It's intuition plus risk plus grace…I totally can make room for that and let us come back to it later on, if that's the right thing to do.” (17:20 | Jim)
“Thomas Heupel, who does a lot of work in intergenerational trauma amongst many other things… says, ‘Connection is, I feel you feeling me. I feel you feeling me.’ And I love that.” (18:31 | Elizabeth) 
“The foundation of emotional intelligence rests with self awareness.” (21:14 | Elizabeth)
“How do we have boundaries and have empathy? When someone commits an perpetrated act, how do we not write that person off?” (31:55 | Elizabeth)
Show Links
Connect with Elizabeth Solomon:
Website: www.newrealmcoaching.com
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-solomon-48793726/
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP18: The Evolution of Emotional Courage

“Being able to go deeper as a man and a husband, connected on that level is such great richness for those of us that get there and commit.”
Brian Anderson is the co-founder and board president of Fathering Together and he's got a passion for helping dads translate their professional skills into home life strategies, so they can connect with their kids, spouses and more.
 
As Jim and Brian dive into their shared experiences as men and dads, Brian shares a touching story in which his father comforted him after he had been bullied. They also go head on into one of the biggest taboos that men face--homophobic attitudes that remain a barrier to men’s ability to be intimate. 
 
Male friendship is in crisis and the first thing to be sacrificed as men forge careers and families. Yet fathers can learn a lot about intimacy from raising those families and from the natural openness of children. Brian encourages his children’s emotions and co-creates their upbringing with them. And he and his wife sync their schedules based on each other’s needs rather than rigid traditional roles.
 
Eventually, Brian and Jim discover a ladder of sorts, one that men are still learning how to navigate to find their way from basic emotional literacy through to the "emotional courage" that help them shed the need for the old false bravado men often use.
 
Quotes:
“I always wanted to be a dad, to be married. More men do as well, we just don't talk about it.” (5:56 | Brian)
“Homophobia is a major blocker to intimacy for men, still to this day,” (11:55 | Jim)
“It's not a weakness to show intimacy or to say that you're afraid or to be anxious. It’s showing that you are strong and standing up to the idea of weakness by naming what you're afraid of.” (19:34 | Brian) 
“If I'm working, I don't have time for friendship…this unnatural tension that we've developed there that we need to stop.” (27:46 | Brian)
“The best manual you will ever have for your child is the one that you co-create with them.” (32:34 | Brian)
“For dads, how do we learn to step away from the front of the line…and cook up a good meal for our kids when they're tired and exhausted.” (46:26 | Brian)
Show Links
 
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
 
Connect with Brian Anderson:
Fathers' Friday Resources: https://fathersfriday.org/
Learn more about Brian: www.theconnecteddad.life
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Success Brotherhood: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-success
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP17: Self-Intimacy and Pain

“Stresses and  tension that have accumulated over the years live in our bodies,” explains Jim on this solo episode of Expansive Intimacy. As a teenager, Jim’s method of dealing with stress was to overeat, resulting in a body that he wasn’t proud of. He recalls a story in which he was made to feel embarrassed in front of his teammates during a baseball practice in high school. That shame would linger, affecting his self-image and social life. 
 
Stress lingers on the physical level as well. He describes chronic pain he still suffers as a result, he believes, of past trauma. We all suffer stressors large and small throughout our lives which, left unprocessed, keep us from fully engaging in life and from being fully intimate and resilient.
 
Jim has recently taken up courses on neurosomatic intelligence, such as those introduced by past Expansive Intimacy guests Joli Hamilton, Matt Bush and Elisabeth Kristof. Listen as he shares some of the somatic meditation techniques used to help rewire the nervous system and change the way in which it regulates itself.
 
Quotes:
 
“Among some of the maladaptive norms in my household was over eating and eating a lot of junk. So I grew up eating my stress.” (3:02 | Jim)
“I'm thinking, I don’t want to take my shirt off.’...I was so embarrassed; I felt so much shame.” (6:14 | Jim)
“Women deal with that body shame a lot more than men. But I also want to note that it's not just a female issue. Men deal with body shame, too.” (7:11 | Jim)
“That shame, because I didn't process it, because it stayed not only in my body, in the love handles that sat around my waist, but…went from ring dings and ice cream sundaes and Doritos, to alcohol and a whole lot of cannabis.” (8:12 | Jim)
“I'm starting to learn that it's normal for us to accumulate these stresses and this tension over the years, and that it lives in our bodies… if we don't do anything to process it.” (12:43 | Jim)
“There are infinite stressors that we encounter over the course of our lives. And if we don't have ways to recognize the impact, we're going to experience physical limitations and we're also going to be constrained emotionally.” (14:10 | Jim)
Show Links
 
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Websites referenced in this show include:
www.dandoty.com
www.jolihamilton.com
www.sabercoaching.com
www.somaticintelligence.com
 
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP16: A Soundtrack for Courageous Grieving

“Put your hands around grief almost as if it’s your best friend, because at times it will be,” says Ken Mossman, host of the “Mojo for the Modern Man” podcast who also runs several intensive “I AM” (Integrated Adult Male) groups throughout the year. Grieving, he says, is different for every person and the experience is different for every person we grieve, but it is part of the experience of love. Like all emotions–despite the many myths that circulate about them–grief is a function, and provides us with important information.
 
As a group leader, he recognizes that whatever he expects his clients’ to do, he needs to first do himself. He discusses the importance of slowing down, of being mindful and present, particularly of your physical sensations and our breathing, which so many of us neglect to do. Awareness of self, situation, etc. must be built and practiced over and over again. 
 
As a musician himself, Ken recognizes the role that music plays in accessing all of those emotions. He and Jim trade stories about their most memorable concert experiences, where bands like the Talking Heads and Widespread Panic made them feel everything from awe and wonder to joy and presence–often all at once. 
 
Quotes:
 
“It's one thing to crack the door, but…As opposed to cracking the door and saying, ‘You go in first and report back.’ As a leader, go first.” (10:03 | Ken)
“There's nothing in the human operating system that's ‘set it and forget it.’ And if we're expecting our peers, our direct reports, anyone in a given organization to behave a certain way to show up a certain way…Are we a walking, talking example of what we want to see?” (11:59 | Ken)
“It's oftentimes the quieter, slightly slower parts of ourselves that represent the best of ourselves… So slow down.” (14:13 | Ken)
“Emotions are information; emotions are appropriate responses.” (20:43 | Ken)
“For me, music…is absolutely a portal into so many different kinds of experiences.” (29:02 | Ken)
“Intimacy has extraordinary healing powers. And that includes explicitly the deep self.” (38:22 | Ken)
Show Links
Connect with Ken Mossman:
Website: www.kenmossman.com
 
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP15: The Power of Gentle Men

“I’m a work in progress,” says Mike Sweeney, Chief Strategy Officer at RallyBright, where he helps clients build inclusive, resilient and high performing teams. A dad to three teenage girls, Mike’s interpretation of intimacy has evolved to include what he calls “noticing and nudging” someone when they say they’re fine. He shares the many types of support his brother showed him throughout his divorce–including asking a very important question. He also describes a moment of grace from an unexpected source that literally brought him to his knees. 
 
Mike’s definition of success has broadened beyond–while not excluding– the right job title and zip code, to what Jim calls “expansive success.” He discusses ways to introduce vulnerability to the workplace, how a leader should set the tone for the team and the importance of modeling. He describes an incident which took place at a high school reunion which is as funny as it is cringey. 
 
There is no right way to do intimacy but he shares some of the ways he’s done it wrong, and explains why gentle men demonstrate the best leadership.
Quotes:
 
“If you said to me, what is intimacy, the first thought would be the bedroom…the emotional, reciprocal sharing ones are probably the most powerful.” (6:45 | Mike)
“I came in, my daughter’s sitting on the couch, my ex wife is there, and my whole body is shaking. I said, ‘She didn't feel comfortable, she wanted to come back’ and I couldn't use the word ‘home.’...The empathy that I was shown made me collapse.” (13:49 | Mike) 
“I grew up with “Failure’s not an option.’”...So it's probably new, this evolution to processing failure.” (22:32 | Mike)
“My improviser wants to “Yes, and” that. You can create meaning and…have all of those ‘eulogy values’ fulfilled… messaging makes it seem like it's an either/or proposition… I just don't buy that. It's bullshit.” (25:25 | Jim)
“Some of the best leadership experiences I've had, the leader that has inspired me the most was the quietest person in the room… to be surrounded by gentle men, it’s inspiring.” (31:08 | Mike) 
“I've been thinking about the difference between fitting in and belonging…I don't really fit in a lot of places, but I love to belong…but I'm not going to pull in the edges of the square to fit in the circle.” (41:14 | Mike)
Show Links
Connect with Mike Sweeney:
1:1 coaching: www.sabercoaching.com
resilient team development: www.rallybright.com
Pan Mass Challenge donations:  https://profile.pmc.org/MS0633
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP14: Body & Brain Healing for Intimacy (Pt. 2)

“Those types of protective responses destroy our connection and the ability to have intimacy, ” says Matt Bush, owner of Next Level Neuro, a neuroscience based health and performance coaching company. Matt picks up where Elisabeth Kristof left off to discuss the way our nervous system forms patterns in response to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). ACE are anything that disrupt a child’s environment and threaten their sense of safety and stability. From this trauma, our nervous systems form patterns which can severely hinder our ability to be vulnerable, intimate and to connect authentically as adults. 
 
These behavioral adaptations can be explained by a law of physiology called the SAID principle, (Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demand) meaning the body gets better at what it does, like a practiced protective response to trauma. Luckily, the nervous system loves novelty and Matt explains how to create a flow switch, or pattern interrupt, to change our way of thinking and build better connections going forward. This can require talking to ourselves more than we listen.
 
He also explains daily actions we can take to implement NeuroSomatic Intelligence principles and practices and calm our amygdala. He also answers the question of how to practice the vulnerability required to create intimacy when vulnerability itself is a trigger. 
Quotes:
 
“So much of what we learn…how our neural pathways develop…are social inputs. We don't grow up or develop in a vacuum.” (4:34 | Matt) 
“A good way to think of those adverse childhood experiences is that they severely disrupt the environment that the child is being raised in, so it primes and teaches the nervous system that life is not safe…the adults there actually may be unsafe or threatening to the child.” (10:50 | Matt)
“The nervous system works on prediction…It's not looking at two seconds in the past…the threat has already occurred, it's too late to protect yourself. The damage is already done.” (12:49 | Matt) 
“In those moments, if we can become aware…we actually have an opportunity to talk to our own brain.” (27:35 | Matt)
“Sometimes people don't even realize why they're fighting…it's this fight, this tug of war between, ‘I want to engage, and then I disengage. Or I want to let down my guard, but then I blow it up so that I'm safe.’ (36:20 | Matt)
Show Links
 
Connect with Matt Bush:
NLN Website: nextlevelneuro.com
Instagram: @nextlevelneuro
NSI Website: http://neurosomaticintelligence.com/
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP13: Body & Brain Healing for Intimacy (Pt. 1)

“Trauma is not the past event, it lives in the present,” says Elisabeth Kristof, certified applied neurology and somatics practitioner and founder of Brain Based Wellness, an online platform designed to help people’s nervous systems and bodies resolve old patterns and improve their performance, using the concept of neurosomatic intelligence. Trauma, usually that experienced in early childhood, affects our ability to attach which is a primal survival need. All body systems constantly interpret data to determine if we are safe, and–beyond that, loved. Trauma, which remains in a present state within the body, tells us we are not. This leads to self-protective responses which manifest in everything from behavior to body posture.
 
These responses fall under the ‘Four Fs,’ which Elisabeth explains here, and can show up in stressful situations arising everywhere from the boardroom to the bedroom. If emotions remain unexpressed they lead however unconsciously to destructive behaviors like drug addiction or overtraining. Understanding that so many of people’s behaviors are responses and adaptations to trauma allows us to better understand and forgive others as well as ourselves. 
 
The modern world makes it difficult to regulate our nervous systems, but Elizabeth shares some simple tools we can start to incorporate daily. She also discusses the surprisingly positive way shame can affect intimacy.
Quotes:
 
“It's very important to understand that…trauma lives in the present…Our posture, our movement, our interaction with other people is all driven and shaped by that.” (8:13 | Elisabeth)
“It really helps to have an understanding of the nervous system…my body, my nervous system and my brain have been using them for a long time. And it has worked until this point to keep me safe and alive.” (18:17 | Elisabeth) 
“We live in a society that does not encourage healthy emotional expression. Many of us, for various reasons, learn to either suppress or repress our emotions from an early age.” (26:59 | Elisabeth) 
“Here's the thing: we’re neuroplastic. Our system is always responding and adapting to the stimulus …So when we understand…the nervous system, we can…start to move it forward in a positive direction.” (39:32 | Elisabeth)
Show Links
 
Connect with Elisabeth Kristof:
Neuro-Somatic Coaching Certification: https://neurosomaticintelligence.com/
Brain-Based Wellness Membership: https://brainbased-wellness.com/membership/
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
If you like what we're talking about on the show, would you consider sharing it with someone important in your life who might also appreciate it?
 
I'd also love it if you would rate, comment, and subscribe to Expansive Intimacy on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
 
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

EP12: A Mid-Life Crisis Story with JimYoung

“A guy who’s maybe lost a little hair on top, driving around in a little red sports car,” this is the classic image most of us conjure when we hear of a man having a midlife crisis.
 
Yet, on this solo “Jimtimacy” episode of the Expansive Intimacy podcast, your host Jim Young tells the story that he and so many men, have and continue to suffer from the type of midlife crisis that looks nothing like the stereotype. Instead, it looks a lot like burnout and shares many of the contributing factors. 
 
While suffering in silence, as so many men do, Jim felt pressure to continue to achieve and perform according to societal expectations, without letting any of his emotions for fear of looking “unmanly.” The chronic stress of this was taking a physical toll on him and he admits he was on his way to becoming another grim middle-aged male statistic. Luckily—he notes with only a hint of irony—his whole life unraveled. His wife asked for divorce, he lost many of his friends, and he quit his job. 
 
Now, Jim is living an authentic, intimate life on the other side of his midlife crisis, and he explains what it takes to come through it better than you were before. By continuing to share his story, he hopes other men will recognize their own stories and feel seen and supported. Otherwise, what’s the point? 
 
Quotes:
 
“I've got a really full head of hair…and I don't drive a little red sports car. But I did have a midlife crisis.” (2:32-2:46 | Jim)
“What's behind that, what comes before that are these difficulties that our culture has put in front of men that men feel around how to deal with things like their emotions, or their desire for intimacy.” (4:22-4:37 | Jim)
“I had to start to risk opening myself up, being honest, and allowing myself to be seen for who I actually was, instead of who I was trying to be based on what the expectations were for a guy like me in this culture.” (7:50-8:06 | Jim)
“We have this fear that if we reveal who we really are we will become untouchable, be deemed weak, soft, we’ll  be ridiculed. And you know what may be right?...The people that I was afraid of saying things about me, that would insult my manhood. Well, that was stupid.” (8:43-9:14 | Jim)
Show Links
 
Expansive Success Brotherhood: www.thecenteredcoach.com/esb
Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music
 
Connect with Jim Young:
Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach
The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project: www.thecenteredcoach.com/expansive-intimacy-project
Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/
 
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The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
 
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm