EP27: How Men Can Find Safe Harbors In Each Other

“These guys, we'd be there for each other at any time of the day or night.” 

 

Carl Ficks is a founding member of the Dead End Kids, his group of friends from childhood who have maintained their friendships collectively and individually over the last 40 years. This means helping each other through major life events like death and divorce as well as making sure to check in with simple texts when thinking of each other in and among the responsibilities of everyday life. On today’s episode of “Expansive Intimacy,” he shares the history of how this group came to be and some of their most moving moments together. 

 

A lot of these memories and moments are inextricably connected to music and to bands like Roxy Music, Dire Straits and The Rolling Stones. Carl talks about the role music plays in his own life, and how it creates what he calls a safe harbor. In his weekly column, the Friday Ficks, nearly each post incorporating a musical theme, he offers readers lessons, insights and teachable moments from his life.

 

As the founder of No Surrender LLC (named for a Bruce Springsteen song) he helps leaders inspire their teams to productivity and growth, in part through wellness. Carl explains the role that exercise, particularly cycling, plays in his ability to be a better friend, father and colleague. 

Quotes:

• “When you come from that service mindset, it's more relationship than transactional.” (6:14 | Carl)
• “I think a lot of people are paralyzed by intimacy, and they fear it. And I think part of the, shall we say, mission would be to show them not to be afraid.” (9:26 | Carl)
• “One of our goals is to just show men and others that, that you don't have to fear this, that a few simple words are very powerful. ”I'm thinking of you.” That's four words, that's it. And that that could potentially change somebody's day or life because they may not feel alone.” (11:04 | Carl) 
• “The Dead End Kids are a motley crew of now 60-year-old guys. Many of us met in grade school. There are some guys that are part of this group that met in kindergarten when they were five years old. So we all grew up together.” (13:28 | Carl)
• “I find safety, for lack of a better word, in music. It's almost a safe harbor.” (26:37 | Carl) 
• “It's just something I look forward to. It doesn't happen every week, because life interferes. But it's there. It's that safe harbor that I spoke of. And we've shared a lot together over the years. Is it therapy? Perhaps not under the clinical definition but it feels therapeutic. It's very therapeutic.” (35:50 | Carl)

Show Links

Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Podbean | Google Podcasts | Amazon Music

Connect with Carl Ficks:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlrficksjr/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carl.ficks.1

Website: https://carlficks.com/

 

Connect with Jim Young:

Website: www.thecenteredcoach.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thecenteredcoach

Expansive Intimacy, the book: https://www.amazon.com/Expansive-Intimacy-Tough-Defeat-Burnout/dp/B0BFTSZ4ZG/

 

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The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.

 

Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media

Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds

 

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm